Signs of desperation

I'm sitting in front of my computer bawling my eyes out. The last few months haven't been easy and it seems to get tougher instead of things settling down. As previously noted I've quit my job as a waitress/Duty Manager and only have 2 more weeks to go. Unfortunately I still haven't found anything new even though there are a few applications out there where I'm still waiting to hear back from people. However, at this stage, I will be unemployed in two weeks.

There are so many things right now that I need to work out, need to organise and sort out. It just doesn't get less. And above all the biggest worry is back - I might have to leave the country. Maybe even sooner than later? I was just told by an immigration advisor that my work visa is actually not valid anymore and I need to apply for something new. Be it for work or as a visitor or whatever.

Now what am I supposed to do? Why are they making it so f*** hard for a trustworthy, honest, reliable and hard-working person to just live their life? Everything could be so much easier. With Matt I know I have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. We are thinking about getting a place of our own and eventually, in a few years time, starting our own little family. All we want is to be happy. But that won't work if I'm oceans away on the other side of the world.

Where is the damn problem? I'm not going to live on government benefit like probably half of the population especially up here in the north! I've always stood on my own feet and will keep doing so. I might be unemployed soon but I know it won't be for long. Actually my current but soon-to-be ex-boss has shown sign of willingness to keep me employed. Looks like they value a good worker after all. And now that some of the staff has left things seem to be changing for the better.

So should I stay there and at least have a little chance of getting a new work visa instead of taking a risk and pursuing what I actually want to do? And am I already illegal anyway? And what about Matt? Right now I feel like I'm torn into pieces. I neither belong to Germany anymore (and don't want to anyway) nor am I at this stage accepted in New Zealand (though Aotearoa feels like home and I do want to settle here with Matt). What the h*** am I supposed to do? Does anyone have some answers for me?!? Please?!?


  1. Hey Mara,

    an deiner Stelle würde ich den Job behalten wenn dein Chef dies dir im Moment so signalisiert. Suche dir dann in Ruhe etwas was dir Spaß macht. Frage noch einmal nach, welchen Status du im Moment hast und kümmere dich um die Verlängerung. Gehe die Beziehung in Ruhe an, nicht gleich in einer gemeinsamen Immobilie. Ist doch noch relativ frisch. Genieße die Zweisamkeit, aber ohne dir etwas so großes wie ne gemeinsame Wohnung/Haus ans Bein zu binden. Vor allem so lang unklar ist, welchen Aufenthaltsstatus du wirklich hast. Und sollte es dennoch so sein, dass du erstmal das Land verlassen musst, so ist damit doch auch nicht gleich alles verloren. Auch dafür würde es mit Sicherheit Lösungen geben. Steck den Kopf nicht in den Sand. Das Glas ist immer halbvoll!!!
    Ich wünsche dir viel Kraft, Energie und frohen Mut für die kommenden Wochen.

    Grüßle aus Bremen


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