I'm planning my future

on November 23, 2010

It's been a little quiet around here lately. That is not because nothing has happened. On the contrary. Life has been full of events, everyday adventures and problems. But I didn't consider most of the things extraordinary enough to be mentioned. Who cares whether we've lost at soccer or won a pub quiz, whether I've been drunk and sick as at a friend's place or am going for a swim in the Pacific almost every weekend.

My mind has been preoccupied these last few days and weeks. If you're reading my blog regularly you already know I have fallen in love head over heels with this country. Sometimes when I'm at the beach or even just driving around I could not only jump for joy but almost cry or scream out loud because it so feels like coming home, having arrived. It's hard to explain this feeling inside.

The longer I am here the more I come to understand - as I have already done in the past - that Germany is not a happy place for me. I don't fit, I feel out of place there. I've always longed for something else, like my most favorite quote explains perfectly:

Every dreamer knows it is entirely possible to be homesick for a place you've never been to. Perhaps even more homesick than for familiar ground.

Now that I'm in New Zealand I don't feel "homesick" anymore. I feel like I have finally come home. Sounds weird, doesn't it? Thinking that I've only been here for 4.5 months. Yet that is exactly the way I feel.

A friend of mine is just trying to extend her stay here and has applied for a work permit. But the conditions are very tough and I'm not sure whether she'll make it. I've put a lot of thought into that lately wondering if I can stay here, under what circumstances and what kind of life I'd want to live. And I've come to some interesting conclusions that might suprise, maybe even shock some of you.

Ever since I was ten years old I wanted to be a journalist. I've done heaps of internships, freelance work, got my university degree and worked a few years in what I always thought was not only my favorite profession, but a passion. Realizing - and accepting - that this might no longer be the case was tough.

Being an Au Pair and working with kids almost full-time has changed a lot of my perspectives. I am seriously considering a career change - and to become an Early Childhood Teacher here in New Zealand. The last few days and weeks I have spent researching online, talking to people, weighing my options, calculating, making phone calls... and I'm slowly seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Meaning there really might be a way to make this work.

Studying over here is very expensive - especially for foreigners who sometimes pay more than three times as much on fees as kiwis would. Getting permits - to study and/or work - is just as tough and requires lots of paperwork. I downloaded probably 40 pages of information brochures, application forms and whatever else today and am still fighting my way through it.

Luckily I have eight more months to work things out. But my decision is made. Let's see if I am meant to walk this path...

2 Kommentare:

cynthia said...

I already imagine that sometimes the time comes in which you intensely think about your future. And anyhow I had in the feeling that you find your luck rather in New Zealand than in Germany. All the same which way you go now, I wish you a lot of sucess.

And another thing what occurs to me: I wanted to become quite early (at the age of 14 years) a journalist, too. Today I sometimes doubt this way for which I have gone since that time. I think a typical journalist I will never be, even more I will move my own ideas than professionals projects.

In any case I find it really good that you have found through the au pair your passion for the child education. A lot of luck by this process!

Claire said...

Hi Mara,
if you have find the place you love and where you mean to be, fight for it!!!! Viel glück!!!
see you!